Dealing with the feelings of Siblings

My sister had a rare form of osteosarcoma from the age of 11 to 18. My brother and I really struggled at times adn I thought it may help to give parents tips on what I think helped us cope.

I hope it helps just a bit.

1) Talk to your kids about what's going on - not knowing is a lot harder - even for children. You start to worry that something terrible is going on.

2) Sometimes relationships between your sick child and the siblings can become very tense and fraught - really encourage them to spend some time together in a happy environment. It can help reduce the resentment and will give good memories.

3) Family counselling can be helpful but I preferred seeing my own counsellor - i found it easier to express my feelings without my family there. My parents also allowed me to stop seeing a counsellor i didn't feel comfortable with and supported me in finding someone else (I saw a fantastic Psychologist for 3 years). Seeing someone you can't talk to is pointless.

4) i found seeing my parents cry really upsetting but i think it was good in some ways - it allowed me to share my fears and have a good cry too. I felt close to my parents at these times.

5) ENcourage your children to write their feelings down in a private diary or to send letters - I wrote letters to my sister and to my parents when i wanted to express myself and it really helped. It made it easier for them to talk to me about what I'd written too.

6) Support at school is essential. Maybe help your child find a teacher they can talk to? I had a wonderful year head for a few years and she allowed me to use her office when i was upset and needed space.

7) Talk to your child about concerns you have for them - my parents were good at noticing when i wasn't coping (i had a mild eating disorder for a while) and made the effort to talk to me alone and ask me how I was feeling.

8) If you can, spend some time doing happy family things. I was desperate to feel normal and to feel important and for things to not always be about 'the cancer'! One of my favourite memories is going for a Sunday walk with my Dad - just me and him, chatting about anything and everything - I realised then important I was to my parents and that we would get through this awful time.

9) Get as much support for you as you can. You'll then be stronger for your children.

10) Let your children stay at friends houses when the going is tough. I really needed to get away at times and luckily my parents understood this and let me stay with friends whenever i wanted to. I don't think they took it personally.

Kx

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